From the book: Family Focus on Christ

Family Focus on Christ #3

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES
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The important thing to understand is how the Lord takes from the things of nature to illustrate the beauty in the things of the spirit. The Lord used sheep, ants, lions, conies, or rabbits in many of His illustrations. He uses the things which we can behold with our natural mind and our natural eye so we can understand the beauty of that harmony of the gospel.

As the Lord helps me, we will study the blessed harmony of the church of Christ as illustrated by the relationship between a man and his wife. I believe that there is something in here that is very precious and beautiful, if the Lord will help us understand it.

We want to see the tremendous harmony that is illustrated between Christ and His church. The relationship between Christ and His church is illustrated by the relationship of a man and his wife.

In EPH 5:25 it says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." This reflects two great things: the degree of love that Christ has for His church and the degree of love a husband has for his wife. Then it says, "...and gave himself for it." We want to recognize the relationship between the church and Christ in the light of the relationship of a man and his wife.

What I think is so inappropriate in our day is the women's liberation movement. The women have a tendency to want to be equal with their husbands. They are overlooking what took place in the Garden of Eden. It was the woman who was deceived. It was the woman's desire to become equal with God through rebellion. By rebelling against the Word of God, the woman was desiring to be made equal with God. Satan said unto her, "Thou shalt be as gods knowing good and evil."

What did the Lord do? He placed the woman under the authority of her husband as a reproof for her rebellion against the authority of God.

Through the women's liberation movement, the woman is again rebelling against the authority of God. She is now in rebellion against His authority to place her under the authority of the husband. The women are not rebelling against the authority of the husbands; they are rebelling against the authority of God to place them there. It is the authority of the Word of God that must be understood.

Now in light of this, we want to notice two things that have to be present in a marriage union that will have the blessing of God. The first is that the wife must love her husband enough to live for him. The second is that the husband must love his wife enough to die for her. This is quite a contrast. I want to show how beautifully this relates to the relationship between Christ and His church.

The church must love Christ enough to live for Him: That means to walk in His ways in subjection to Christ. The wife must love the husband enough to live for him. The husband must love his wife enough to die for her. Christ died for His church. He gave His life for the church to redeem her from under the state of rebellion.

The husband must give himself for the wife as Christ has given Himself for the church. He must seek to understand what it is to take up his cross daily. He must daily take up his cross and crucify everything within himself that would not place his wife before himself. The wife must live for him, and she must walk according to his leadership. She must live for him in subjection. In the way of subjection, she brings herself into a position that the husband may do everything for her.

If the church is walking in rebellion against the Lord, the Lord will not bring His nearness and love into their souls. When the church is walking in rebellion against the head that has been placed over her by the Lord, it may not expect that the Lord will come with His nearness and with the fellowship of His spirit. A woman may not expect her husband to give her the tokens of his love and crucifying himself for her as long as she is walking in rebellion against him.

I want to point out that in EPH 5:21-24, it says, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." We want to take notice that Scripture first says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord," and then, "Husbands love your wives."

The first reference is, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."

The first command, or the first order of this relationship, begins with the submission. The submission of the wife unto her husband is in place before the husband gives himself for her, because he cannot give himself for a brawling woman. He cannot give himself for one who is a backbiter. He cannot give himself for one who is contending with everything he says. In such instances he cannot be giving himself for his wife because she is in rebellion.

I'll show you how this comes back into the relationship between Christ and His church and how the Word of God so clearly confirms what I'm saying. Scripture says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." The husband is the one who has been set in the position of authority, and the wife must submit herself to that.

"Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." This is teaching us the submission of the church unto the Headship of Christ. This is the symbol of it. "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

I want to direct your attention also to the fact that the woman was created in submission to her husband in the state of innocence, before the woman was deceived. Before man fell, the Lord said that the woman was to be a help meet. The purpose of God's creation was that the woman was created as a help meet for Adam.

We find in GEN 2:20-24, "And Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to all the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him." The Lord was supplying Adam a help meet. The word meet in the original means "at the side of, or mate."

God created Adam in His image. He created Adam to fulfill the purpose of His creation which was for His glory. "And the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."

We have to take notice that in the purpose of God's creation the woman was created as an help meet. She was created in subjection and in subordination to her husband even in the state of innocency before she was deceived.

Then it says in verse 23, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

We see here that when the woman was given to the man, and he took her as one with himself. There was perfect harmony; there was no division of mind or thinking, because the Lord had created them in a state of innocency.

Now I want to dwell on how the husband must love his wife enough to die for her. Christ loved His church so much that He died for her. Scripture says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."

The love of the husband has to be demonstrated in such a measure that he is willing and able to give himself for his wife. He labors in the sweat of his brow, but for what? It is all for his wife, his children, and his family. He may not serve himself, but he must serve to support his wife. He is serving to support his family. He is serving for the welfare and the benefit of his family.

"That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word." Every decision that is made in a marriage union must be be around the Word of God.

Isn't this true with the relationship between Christ and His church? Christ loved His church and, "...gave Himself for it that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word."

We may not make decisions based on a philosophy or on what we think or believe. I have long ago come to this realization that what I believe or what any person believes is totally irrelevant. I want to know only one thing. What does the Word of God say? It must be, "Thus saith the Lord." Eph 5:26 says, "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word."

Every decision must be made on the basis of the Word of God. "And cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish."

It is important to understand that the working of sanctification is the fruit of salvation, and it is the evidence of salvation. It is not important what I think or what somebody else thinks, but what does the Word of God say?

This has to be taken special note of in the relationship between a husband in the leadership of his wife. What does the word of God say in the decisions of our life? Every decision in our life should be based upon the commandment of love. What is the commandment of love? The commandment of love is, "Love God above all and your neighbor as yourself." Upon these hang all the Law and the prophets. Upon these hang all of the Gospels and every decision of our life.

We have to base every decision on the glory of God. We must ask ourselves, would this be according to the Word of God? Is this something that the Lord would be glorified in? Is it something that is according to the Gospel? Has this decision been made by the washing of the water of the Word?

EPH 5:29 goes on, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church." This teaches that the woman and the man are one flesh. He must nourish the wife. He must nourish the family as he nourishes his own flesh. He must exalt her, and he must honour her as he would honour his own flesh, "...even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones...," EPH 5:30.

That is what Adam said in the Garden of Eden. He said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man," Gen 2:23.

Christ is saying in Eph 5:29-30, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body...." The church is the body of Christ. He nourishes His body and His flesh and His bone, so He nourishes His church. This is the relationship that a man has with his wife, because Adam said, "This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife."

FOR OUR FIRST POINT, let's consider how Christ's love was expressed for His bride.

FOR OUR SECOND POINT, let's consider when the husband's love is expressed to his wife.

FOR OUR THIRD POINT, we will deal with the husband's love for his wife. We will see what constitutes a love relationship. We want to point out that the relationship of a man with his wife is in harmony with the relationship of Christ and His church.

The first point deals with the love Christ expressed for His bride. Wherein and when did Christ love His bride? Did Christ love His bride after she came into subjection? No. His love for His church is from eternity.

We must not take the position that we love our wives because they are in subjection, but there is a distinction between loving them and expressing that love when they are in subjection. This is what I want to point to as the relationship between Christ and His church.

The Love that Christ had for His church is from eternity. The love Christ had for His church was predestined and preordained, and it commenced before the foundation of the world. However, it must also be pointed out that it is not until there is subjection and submission that the church experiences that love or becomes the beneficiary of that love and can start having the privilege of walking in that love.

Now consider how Christ loved His church from all eternity. In REV 13:8 Christ is referred to as, " ...the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world." In the covenant of grace before the world was formed, God the Father looked upon Christ being slain. I believe that it was by the Lord's looking upon that blood of Christ that His wrath did not immediately destroy Adam and Eve the instant they sinned. His eyes were already fixed upon the blood of Christ. If it had not been, the violation of His law would have brought instant judgment. Scripture speaks of the "Book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world," REV 13:8.

There is a beauty here that I want to share with you. It was approximately four thousand years from the day of the fall to the time that Christ came. The Scripture says that a thousand years is as one day, and one day as a thousand years with the Lord.

In all of the burnt offerings and the types and shadows, the perfect sacrifice of Christ, the blood of Christ that would be shed for His people, was ever before the eyes of the Father. God the Father was looking at the blood of Christ from before the foundation of the world as the love that He had for His church. That love for the church was from before the foundation of the world.

If you are sentenced to die and you are told you have four days, you see how close that lays at your doorstep. The sacrifice of Christ was ever before His eyes, because a thousand years with the Lord is as one day, and one day is as a thousand years. In the eyes of the Lord, it was as though it was there immediately before Him.

From the side of Christ, we must see how the penalty of sin was immediately before Him for four thousand years, because, "...of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world." We see the love of Christ wherein He made that perfect sacrifice from before the foundation of the world and carried it before Himself up to the time that He finished His work on the cross of Calvary. Up until then the perfect love that Christ has for His church, the sacrifice being made for His church was an ongoing, everlasting sacrifice from eternity. It was an eternal love.

I also want to direct your attention to 1PE 1:20. "Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you...." The love Christ has for His church was foreordained before the foundation of the world. In that covenant of grace, Christ covenanted to come to pay the penalty of sin for His church. The love that Christ had for His church was an eternal love.

In 1JO 4:19 we read, "We love him, because he first loved us." It isn't that Christ loves His church because of her submission, but Christ will reveal His love in the church when the church is in submission. His love was from eternity, and it is in His love that He brings her into submission.

This is what we must understand in the role of the husband and his wife. It is the love the husband has for his wife that causes him to bring her into subjection. It was Christ who brought His church into subjection, because we "...were by nature the children of wrath, even as others," EPH 2:3. It is by the love of Christ that He brings us out of the state of rebellion and into subjection. He does it in His love.

Watch what is said in REV 19:7, "Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready." It is speaking here of the final marriage union between Christ and His church, but He is speaking of it in the present tense. He saw this from eternity. He saw the marriage union as the reward that was held out before Him as the object of His faith. "Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross." It was for the joy that was set before Him that He "endured the cross, despising the shame," Heb 12:2. It was for that reward, i.e., the marriage union between Him and His church that He endured all of these things.

"And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints," REV 19:8. That is the perfect submission, or the imparted righteousness of Christ, being imparted in the soul with the sinner which brings them into the marriage union with Christ. No person will ever come into the marriage union of Christ in a state of rebellion.

We have to see that it was in the way of the righteousness of saints—that imparted righteousness of Christ—Christ being born in us or conforming to the image of Christ. We are predestined to be conformed to the image of Christ. It is in conforming to the image of Christ that we are made able to come into the marriage union with Him.

In JUD 1:1 it says, "Jude, the servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, to them that are sanctified by God the Father, and preserved in Jesus Christ, and called...." It is pointing out that the effectual call comes in God's time, but they have been preserved in Christ from the foundation of the world. God the Father had elected them, He has loved, He has drawn, and He has brought the church into the marriage union of Christ.

FOR OUR SECOND POINT, let's consider what happens when the husband's love is expressed to the wife. This is a very important thing to understand. You have to stop to realize that PRO 21:9 says, "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

The original Greek word for "in a wide house" means "in society". Rather than to live in society with a brawling woman, it is better to live alone upon a housetop. When a woman is not walking in subjection to her husband, one cannot ask the husband to sacrifice himself for her, or give himself for her or demonstrate his love for her. It is first in order that the woman must be in subjection to the husband.

I want to compare this with the relationship there is with Christ and the church. It is impossible for those who profess to be Christians to expect that they are going to walk in the nearness and with the blessing of the Lord in their soul while they are walking in rebellion to His revealed will.

In EPH 5:25-28 we read "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." When we want to gauge when and how a husband gives himself for his wife, we must look at the gauge of when and how Christ gives Himself for the church. Our gauge is Christ's relationship with His church. "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word."

The woman's subjection to the husband and the husband's headship of the wife must be established and sanctified by the washing of water by the Word. The husband must be able to rightly use the Word of God as the authority of the marriage.

2TI 2:15 says, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing [handling or unfolding] the word of truth." The Word of God must be the only authority and basis for every decision. Christ washes and cleanses His bride by the "...washing of water by the Word that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish."

In other words, a woman must be in subjection to her husband if she expects him to demonstrate his love for her. "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."

The woman must be in oneness with her husband. She must be in a perfect harmony with him, so that she is in subjection, and so that a man can love her as he loves himself. The wife must love the husband enough to live for him so that the man can love her enough to die for her.

Christ's love is from eternity, but it is manifest when submission is gained. We may not think that we are going to experience the love of Christ in our hearts while we are walking in rebellion to His Word. The Scriptures tell us this cannot be.

I want to direct your attention to JOH 14:13-15, "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. If ye love me, keep my commandments." This demonstrates Christ in subjection to the Father. "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son." What is the conclusion of the matter? "If ye love me, keep my commandments."

If we are walking in subjection to the Word of God in submission to His will, He will grant whatsoever we ask according to His will, that the Father might be glorified. "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do," if we keep His commandments, if we walk according to His will.

JOH 14:21 is a continuation of the same chapter and it states this principle so clearly. "He that hath my commandments,and keepeth them...." Do you see the qualification? The qualification is if we have His commandments, and keep them, "He it is that loveth me."

Is there anything left to say? This verse says it all, "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him."

Do you see the deciding factor? If we are going to understand what it is to have the Lord's nearness and His blessing and if we are going to look for the Lord's blessing in our souls, it is going to be when our hearts have been purged of rebellion and when our hearts desire to do His will. It is going to be thus, "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them."

In other words, when rebellion has been broken and we have come into subjection to the Word of God, we will experience His nearness, and we will experience the fruits of His love.

His love is from eternity, and His love is unalterable, but when do we experience His love? When do we have the fruit and the benefits of His love in our soul? When we have His commandments and keep them, and when the rebellion is broken. Then we are able to say, "I love God above all and my neighbor as myself."

When we can crucify ourselves, then we can keep His commandments and, "...he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him."

It is so beautifully clear in Scripture that it is in the way of submission and subjection that the church experiences the love of Christ. This is what I want to address now.

When the wife is in subjection to her husband and when the wife is brought into the place where the church is in relationship to Christ, the wife experiences the love of the husband.

Our text says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." We must use the pattern of Christ as the pattern to which we look for demonstrating that love. The love that we demonstrate for our wife must be in the same manner as Christ demonstrates it to His church.

Christ says to His church, "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." We may not see a manifestation of the love of Christ while we are walking in rebellion to His Word and His revealed will.

JOH 15:9-10 says, "As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love...." This is so absolute. Unless there is contradiction in the Word of God, it is absolute that we must keep His commandments before we shall experience His love. In other words, the true work of repentance and the true work of sanctification is our evidence according to the Word of God that we shall receive the tokens of His love.

If we are hungering and thirsting after the Lord and groping in darkness, then the question must be asked, "What am I doing that is displeasing to the Lord?" This should cause us to search ourselves like David in PSA 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

If we are walking in such a way that we do not enjoy the nearness and the blessedness of the Lord, our immediate response has to be, "Lord, what is there that I am doing that displeases thee? Why hast thou withdrawn thyself from me?"

If a husband is not demonstrating his love for his wife, the first thing she should ask is, "Wherein am I not pleasing him? What have I done that caused him to withdraw his love?" If this love is withheld, we may not come in rebellion and rise up in hatred.

We must inquire wherein we have not walked in the way of subjection and of submission. "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous." When His commandments are grievous, that is not a good sign. We are walking in a legalistic subjection if His commandments are grievous to us.

We should enjoy doing His commandments, because it is our delight to do His will. We read in Psalm 112, "Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in His commandments."

The father of the prodigal son showed no signs of love until submission was restored. LUK 15:15 says, "And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine." The prodigal son had left his father's house. He had deserted all good and rebelled against the rules of his father. He had come into poverty. He joined himself to a citizen of that country, who sent him into the fields to feed the swine. "And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him," LUK 15:16.

Now the point here is that we read later that the father saw him coming and came and met him saying, "Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him...," LUK 15:22. His father did not bring him that best robe while he was feeding the swine. Do you see the point? There is no way that the father walked behind him in the way of rebellion to share with him his love.

The father of the prodigal son loved him. He loved him when he left. He loved him while he was gone. His heart yearned for him as long as he was gone, but we don't see the prodigal son harvesting any benefits of that love while he was feeding the swine. While he was out there with these citizens of a foreign country serving the things of this world in sin, Scripture says, "And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat."

Isn't that what we all do by nature? We would fill our belly with the husks of this world. We would satisfy ourselves with the things of time and sense, but while we are doing that, we are not experiencing the nearness of the Lord. That is not when we experience the love of Christ.

What happened to the prodigal son? "And when he came to himself...." What did he do? Did he take his swine and all of his husks with him to his father's house? No. He left it all behind.

"And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!" All of a sudden he started to see a beauty in that bread of life. He started seeing a beauty in that perfect sacrifice of Christ. He started to see that feeding on these husks of the swine was starving his soul.

The point is it was not while he was in rebellion that the father came running with the best robe. It wasn't until he came in subjection to his father that his father came out to meet him.

This is the way it is with Christ and His church. There is no way that we can be serving two masters with the Doctrines of Balaam, i.e., to seek the reward of unrighteousness while we profess to be serving the Lord. We cannot seek the benefits of our worldly entertainment and worldly desires and have the good things of the Lord too.

It is so clear, "And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!" He came to himself and realized where he was. He said, "I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him...." He has already started forming the words he would say, "...and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee...." Do you see that confession of guilt? We cannot come to a place of subjection with an argument to justify what we did.

Arguing to justify one's wrong is very dangerous in the relationship between a man and his wife. If we have a situation where rebellion took place, we must never try to justify that rebellion.

What did the prodigal son say? "I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants." What do we see? "And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." He turned his back on the way of rebellion. He came with a confession of his guilt. What was the first thing that happened? The love of the father was already bestowed upon him before he even had a chance to confess.

The Lord looks at the heart. Are we able to give up the things of the world? Are we able to come into subjection to the will of the Father? To the the will of God? To the Word of God?

When that happens, we already see the Father coming with the best robe. He says "But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son." The father didn't stand and waste any time talking about past sins, because he saw that subjection had been restored within the heart of his son.

He did not come with a lot of railing accusations. "But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand..." What is the ring? It is a token of eternal love. That is the token of never-ending love. He, "put that ring on his hand and shoes on his feet." What do the shoes on his feet mean? In other words, to now walk in the way of subjection. He showed him the token of eternal love.

That is the way it is between Christ and His church. When Christ's people are brought into subjection, what do they receive? They receive the ring on their finger. They receive that evidence in their soul of that never-ending love of the Father and of the Son to the church.

Now the Father says, "And bring hither the fatted calf..." We see the benefits that we have, but when? When we come to ourselves and return into subjection, we will have those benefits.

Now I want to dwell upon when the Bridegroom rewards the loving service of the bride. It is not until the bride is in subjection that she receives the benefits of His love. See the reward that the Bridegroom bestows upon the loving service of the bride.

Direct your attention to MAT 25:34-40. "Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world."

What Christ is showing here is how pleased He was. This is a source of encouragement to us when we understand this.

Every person in the way of grace has his own way in which the Lord leads him. There are people who are led to see that the Lord brings His disfavor upon their sin.

Many people say that they were shown that they were standing before the pit of Hell. The Lord showed them the consequences of sin, and the Lord showed them His disfavor upon sin. This caused them to flee from sin, because they saw God's judgment on sin. In some instances, the Lord also leads from another side.

In MAT 25:34-40 Jesus says, "Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in..." The Lord looks with such favor upon those walking in subjection to his Word and in the ways that please God.

The Lord has shown me how pleased He was with what I have done in His favor. That is a different experience, isn't it? The Lord has led me to see the blessedness that I am about to bring forth out of Matthew 25:34-40. He has repeatedly blessed me to see how He looks with such pleasure upon things done in true humility and fear and love for God.

Notice what the Lord spoke unto Abraham when he offered up His son Isaac. It says in GEN 22:15-18, "And the angel of the LORD called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,...That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply..." Then the Lord explained why, and in conclusion it says, "...because thou hast obeyed my voice." The Lord so preciously blesses me with this truth. The obedience Abraham showed in putting his son on the altar so glorified the Lord.

What is the lesson Christ is teaching about the day of judgment? How He is going to separate between the sheep and the goats. What is He showing? We read in MAL 3:18, "Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not." Jesus said, "For I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink."

Christ never brought one accusation against those people. All of their sins were cast behind His back in the Sea of Everlasting Forgetfulness. Christ was thoroughly pleased that they had done according to His Word. He said, "For I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me."

When a person experiences this, and I have experienced this many times, it is the most humbling experience you will ever have. When the Lord comes to you to show you how He was glorified by something that you have done, it will cause you to see what a worthless wretch you are.

Oh, beloved, it is such a wonder to think that a holy God, who is infinite in wisdom, could have pleasure in something that you have done.

It is such a humbling feeling to be brought to the point where we see that the Lord reflects a banner of love over us, because He is pleased with something that we have done. "Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?" MAT 25:37-38.

He is giving them the credit for something they didn't even realize that they had done. They never understood how it pleased God that they were doing His will. What did they say? "Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me," MAT 25:39-40.

You see, the Lord was so glorified by the things that His people had done that were according to His will that were done in the Spirit of Christ. Those things were done from the heart, from a renewed heart, from a regenerated heart.

Those things the Lord looks upon with great pleasure, and this is what we have to see in the relationship between a husband and a wife. Those things that a woman does in subjection, in honor of the authority of the husband, are so pleasing to a husband; it makes him want to give himself for her.

FOR OUR THIRD POINT, we will deal with the husband's love to his wife. Our text says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." The husband must be willing to die for his wife.

1PE 3:7-8 says, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge...." Do you see the importance of a man being able to die unto himself? He has to be able to crucify the old man of sin. He has to be able to die daily and to take up his cross daily. He dies to himself for what? He is placing his wife ahead of himself, as Christ did for His church.

When Christ died for His church, He set His church ahead of Himself. He went down. He became sin. He took the cross...for what? So that His wife, His church, might be made clean.

Now it says in 1PE 3:7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge...." We must not act rashly. We must not act foolishly and expect a wife to submit to that. We must act with knowledge.

We have to give honour unto the wife. Do you know what this means? It means a husband may not humiliate his wife. I have seen many instances where a man will literally humiliate his wife in public. This is absolutely forbidden, because when you humiliate a woman in public, you have made it impossible for her to demonstrate submission. The husband must honor her as that weaker vessel, which means that he must prefer her ahead of himself.

If you see a man who understands proper ethics, he will always open a door and his wife will go in first. Why? That is the demonstration that he places his wife before himself, even as a woman should wear a covering in church. Why? She is demonstrating her submission to her husband.

When a man allows his wife to walk before him into a business place or into a church, he is honoring that wife to show that he is preferring her ahead of himself.

"Giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered," 1PE 3:7. It is so important to understand that in Christ there is neither male nor female. There is neither bond nor free. We are all one in Christ. In Christ we are heirs to the grace of God together on equal ground.

Therefore, the wife may not be treated as inferior, but she may not take a position as superior. We are in oneness, and we have to be able to crucify the pride of our own hearts. We have to be able to die for our wives—die to ourselves, die to the old man of sin—by preferring her before us.

This is only when the wife is in subjection. The husband cannot do that when the wife is not in subjection. Do you know why? It is because he winds up in subjection to his wife. This can only take place when the harmony is established according to the priorities set forth in the Word of God.

1PE 3:7 says, "...that your prayers be not hindered." It is a very powerful thing when a husband and wife can pray together in oneness of heart and mind, because, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them," MAT 18:20.

There is a power in the unity and oneness of mind in prayer. "And I say unto you that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that ye shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven," MAT 18:19. When a husband and a wife have unity, then their prayers are not hindered.

Now it says in 1PE 3:8, "Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous." A man has no authority to show disrespect for his wife. A man has no authority to treat her as inferior.

We are to be courteous, be pitiful, and love as brethren. In other words, love is a unity of oneness. We are not to exalt one above the other.

I want to give an illustration. One time in a restaurant, I had ordered a meal and asked for their special. I asked the waitress to exchange one item for another. She said that she could do that.

When it came time to pay, I found that she had given me a full meal that had the substitution without telling me that I was not getting the special. In turn, I was billed for an extra dollar and a half. I pointed out to her that I felt that she had not billed me honestly, and therefore I was not going to leave her a tip.

She began to cry , and she said to me, "I can't imagine that you would do this to me." Now if she would have stood there to defend herself, if she would have stood there to argue, I would not have learned anything. Let me tell you something though. For weeks it melted my heart, "I can't imagine that YOU would do this to me."

Do you know what happened? Immediately, I began to realize that she was not defending herself, and I began to realize I had wounded her by my harshness. My heart melted for weeks later every time I thought of how I had brought such blasphemy upon the name of God.

She said, "I can't imagine that you..." In other words, if it would have been some person for whom she had less esteem, she would have accepted it. "But I can't imagine that you would do it." Do you understand that? I had wounded her, and I tell you, this taught me to understand how grievous it is when a person acts without regard to another's feelings. Neither is a man allowed to wound his wife without regard for her feelings.

1PE 3:9 says, "Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing...." If people get into a situation where there is a dispute, they are not to wound each other and use, "railing for railing." If they are being railed upon, they only add fuel to the fire when they give railing in return.

That lady broke my heart. She didn't break my heart by railing at me, but do you know how? It was when she said, "I cannot imagine that you would do this to me." Then she broke down crying. She demonstrated that she was wounded, and with that she slew me.

Do you see what I am saying? This is what we have to understand as we go through married life. It is not a matter of wounding and railing for railing. "...but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing."

We must show and do what brings a blessing upon each other. We must not use railing for railing. "For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile," 1PE 3:10. This is so important. We must watch that we do not wound and that we do not rail on each other.

We must seek peace. 1PE 3:11 says, "Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it." If there is something that brings a contention or a division, rather than exchanging railings for railings or contention for contention, we must seek peace.

Do you know what I find is the most powerful thing? If there is something that a man and a wife do not fully agree on, the most powerful thing is meekness. Use the Lord Jesus Christ as an illustration and bring Him in to be the example of the situation. It says, "Let him eschew evil, and do good."

The Lord Jesus Christ, who is the Balm of Gilead, should be put into every heart; this is only done by denying self. A man has to be able to die for his wife, and how does he do that in a case where there seems to be a misunderstanding?

If the wife is in her proper mode of subjection, the husband can come with the Balm of Gilead, with some illustration of the Lord Jesus Christ and what He has done to heal the wounds, to heal the breeches, and to bring peace. Because it says, "...let him seek peace, and ensue it."

Do unto her as you would have the Lord do unto you. We have to look to the wife as the Lord Jesus Christ looks to His church.

It says in 1PE 3:12, "For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil." If we want our prayers not to be hindered, if we want the Lord to be in our marriage, if we want the Lord to be with us, then we must use the Lord Jesus as our example.

Everything can be solved by asking, "What would Christ do in such a case?" Every decision that a man makes in a marriage union should be even as Christ loved His church, even as Christ gave himself for His church.

How is that decision arrived at? What would Christ have done for His church in this situation? That is what we have to ask. That is our deciding factor. We do not make it based on any impulse or any evil notions that come to our minds, but we have to give ourselves as Christ gave Himself for the church.

A husband dying for his wife is described in many places. Let me share some of them. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." In this way, we have to die for our wives. "That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle."

I want to go with you into ECC 9:9. I want to show you how we must seek the pleasure of the wife. We must seek her pleasure and we must do what would be pleasing to her.

ECC 9:9-10 says, "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun." We are to do what is for her pleasure, even if it crucifies self. We must not live for self, but we must live for each other.

Do you notice that Verse 9 first says to live joyfully with the wife of thy youth. Verse 10 says, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might...." In other words, we must heartily, not grudgingly, do what is for the pleasure of each other. We must do from our hearts with our might that which pleases the other.

PRO 5:18-19 says, "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

The Lord is telling us the wife should be the center of our attraction. She is the center of our love. We are not to have our eyes roaming on other women. We are not to have our eyes roaming into things that please us alone and exclude our wives. We are to do those things which are in harmony and with oneness of purpose.

It is the responsibility of the husband to be the shepherd and bishop of her soul. This is a very important issue. We read in 1PE 2:25, "For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls."

Watch what it says in the next verse. 1PE 3:1, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands..." It says that as Christ is the Shepherd and the Bishop of our soul, so the husband must be the shepherd and the bishop of the wife and the family.

What is the office of the bishop? Look at the responsibility that a husband has to his wife here. 1TI 3:1 says, "This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work."

How many people realize that when you take on the responsibility of being a husband, you have taken on the responsibility of a bishop? It is important to understand that. Every husband will be charged with the responsibility of a bishop. If we are to be the shepherd and the bishop of their souls, we are to be the shepherd and the bishop of our family.

We must take a look at what are the responsibilities and what are the qualifications of a bishop, because every husband is charged with that responsibility. If he fails in it, he is failing in the responsibility with which he is charged in the Word of God. He is failing in his office as a husband.

"This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach."

The responsibility of the husband is to be the teacher of that family. He is to be the bishop of that family. He is to be the one who gives them their spiritual instruction. He is not to leave that over to the wife, simply because he hasn't time.

It is the absolute responsibility of the husband to be the bishop of the family. He is to have good behavior. He is to be sober. He is to be vigilant. It isn't expedient to go through all of those words to explain each one, but they are powerful words. To be sober means not running after the things of this world, not running after the things of time and sense. To be vigilant means being of good behavior, given to hospitality, not only to the family, but also to the church and to all men.

"Not given to wine...." Now, in this instance, wine does not necessarily mean liquor, but rather the vanities of the world. When wine is spoken of in Scripture, it is not referring to liquor so much as of wining and dining or of the things that entertain the flesh. We are not to be given to these things.

"...no striker...." Do you know what it means to be a striker? If somebody says something, a person who always has an answer that will hit them dead center is a striker. A striker is one who can take the sharp arrow of the tongue and pierce anybody dead center. We are not to be a striker.

We are also not to be greedy of filthy lucre. We are not to be out trying to be rich, but we are supposed to be "patient, not a brawler, not covetous." Covetous throughout Scripture is always compared with spiritual fornication.

A covetous man, or a fornicator, will never enter the Kingdom of God. Covetousness is idolatry. To be covetous means to have an idol that we want to obtain.

"One that ruleth well his own house." The office of the bishop requires that he have the proper discipline for his family. "Having his children in subjection with all gravity." These are the responsibilities that are commanded upon every man that takes a wife. The office of a bishop is the responsibility of every husband.

"For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?" "Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil." In other words, when a man has a wife, he may not go out with a sense of pride that he has a new kind of authority. No! No! He may not exalt himself in pride.

He may not act like a novice. A novice is a person who is newly planted in the church and he comes into authority suddenly as a minister, or an elder, or some leader. He is in danger of pride, because he has never grown up in the ranks; he has never known what it is to walk in the valley of humility.

It says, "Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil."

A good name is better than great riches. We must watch that we do not bring blasphemy upon the name of God by our foolish conduct.

This is what so smote me when that waitress started to cry. She said, "I can't imagine you would do this to me." When she began to cry, I was so stricken with how I had wounded her and how I had caused God's name to be blasphemed. She had not expected a Christian to be so harsh. That was such a lesson for me.

1TI 3:7 says, "Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil." We must have a good report. We must watch that we don't bring defamation upon our office or upon our profession.

We are not to be double-tongued. When we say something, it has to be the same in private and in public. Do not slander people behind their backs and then talk nicely to their faces. We are to be, "Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience." This is where it lays. We must hold the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience.

COL 3:16-17 says, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."

Notice what it says in COL 3:18-19, and I see the chronological order. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."

Do you see how the Lord places the submission of the wife ahead of the demonstration of love? This is the way it will be in the church. We are not going to walk in rebellion contrary to the Word of God, and then expect that we will receive the nearness of the Lord and the evidences of His love.

Another point is that we have to die to self in accepting counsel from our wives. Now the wife in the way of subjection may not be looked at as being totally inferior and knowing nothing. There are many times that a woman may counsel her husband, but she has to do it according to God's will.

Watch what we see in JDG 13:22-23. "And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God. But his wife said unto him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, nor would as at this time have told us such things as these."

You see how he would have over-reacted, but by the counsel of his wife he stabilized. She pointed out how the angel had just told them about the deliverance that He was going to send to Israel. She said if He was going to destroy us, He would not have told us such things as these. It was the counsel of his wife that helped Manoah to stabilize.

In 2KI 4:8-10, "And it fell on a day, that Elisha passed to Shunem, where was a great woman; and she constrained him to eat bread. And so it was, that as oft as he passed by, he turned in thither to eat bread. And she said unto her husband...."

Watch the counseling that she gave her husband. "And she said unto her husband, Behold now, I perceive that this is an holy man of God, which passeth by us continually. Let us make a little chamber, I pray thee, on the wall; and let us set for him there a bed, and a table, and a stool, and a candlestick: and it shall be, when he cometh to us, that he shall turn in thither."

A woman can bring tremendous insights into our daily lives, and we have to be able to humble ourselves enough to accept advice. It has to stay advice. It cannot come to where it becomes a command. It still has to be that a man makes the final decision, but he must die unto himself in the respect of receiving advice.

Now watch what we find in DAN 5:10-12, "Now the queen by reason of the words of the king and his lords came into the banquet house: and the queen spake and said, O king." His wife had come to give him advice, and she gave him good advice.

I want you to see what it was, "...and said, O king, live for ever: let not thy thoughts trouble thee, nor let thy countenance be changed: There is a man in thy kingdom, in whom is the spirit of the holy gods; and in the days of thy father light and understanding and wisdom, like the wisdom of the gods, was found in him; whom the king Nebuchadnezzar thy father, the king, I say, thy father, made master of the magicians, astrologers, Chaldeans, and soothsayers; Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Daniel, whom the king named Belshazzar: now let Daniel be called, and he will shew the interpretation."

Belshazzar had seen this handwriting on the wall. Belshazzar was trembling and shaking in his knees, but his wife gave him good advice. What did she say? She said to call for Daniel. She remembered how Daniel in the days of the king's father, Nebuchadnezzar, had given good advice. Again we see how his wife gave good counsel.

What do we see in MAT 27:19? We are talking about Pilate's wife. "When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him."

The Lord teaches us here that we may receive good counseling from our wives. A man must humble himself, crucify his pride and be willing to listen to good counseling from his wife.

In 1PE 3:1-2 it says, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

There is chaste conversation coupled with fear. In other words, with holy reverence and respect for the authority of the husbands. They must not be defensive and become a railer. No, it is in chaste conversation, coupled with fear, adorned with a meek and quiet spirit that they can come in and give good, sound advice.

The husband loves his wife most dearly, which we can see from the lesson of Jacob. "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days...," GEN 29:20.

In SON 8:7 we find, "Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned."

The father also loves his children.

We see that Jacob had such love for his children. "And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days. And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him."

We must take notice all the way through of the love the father has for his children. We also see this in the prodigal son. As the father saw that he was returning, what did he do? He ran to meet him. He never went to support him in his rebellion. He never went to support him when he was walking in sin, but as soon as he saw that he was returning, he ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.

In closing this chapter, I want to leave you with this charge. The husband and father must demonstrate his love to his wife and children as set forth in God's Word. He must draw them unto himself and lead them in love. Amen.

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